Blended families are becoming more and more popular. These families are those that are combined in marriage either because of a divorce or the loss of their previous spouse. These families face much different trials than other families. Here are 4 tips of how to do your best if you are in a blended family or if you may be soon. However, you never know what the future holds. You may get remarried or you may marry someone that already has children from a previous relationship.
#1- Accept the fact that it will take about 2 years to reach normalcy in your family.
You and the family have both undergone a big change in your family system. It will take time to get things going at a normal pace and to have a good routine with your new family.
#2- The biological parent does all the heavy discipline to their children.
This is really important. The step-parent should still take a role in discipline but not the heavy discipline. Disciplining comes after a lot of discussion with the biological parent of their ideas of disciplining their children. If the step-parent disciplines on the heavier issues, it may cause for disputes among the children and they may say things like; "What gives you the right to tell me what to do?" or "You're not my mom" or "You're not my dad" or "You don't know me". Hearing these things from your new children may be hurtful. It is so important you talk to your spouse about discipline and how you together want to raise your children.
#3- Step-parent's should take a role similar to a good Aunt or Uncle.
A good aunt or uncle does not let a child get away with whatever they want. They are supportive and interested in their niece/ nephew. They also want what is best for that child. A good aunt/uncle does not discipline a child harshly just as a step-parent should not (as discussed in tip #2).
#4- Parents need to have more closed door discussions.
I touched on this tip briefly in tip #2. Because of the blended family, the couple needs to talk a lot more behind closed doors than other couples do. Being in a blended family calls for more discussion concerning the children and combining of families and parenting styles. It is helpful to communicate and be on the same page as your spouse- and of course this goes for any relationship.
Blended families are unique! And they can be great! I personally have not been in a blended family but my professor married for the first time a woman who was divorced and had two sons. He said that he is so blessed and so lucky to have those boys as his own and to help be their father. Here is a music video that helps see the joys of blended families. Make sure you have the tissues ready!
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