4 Tips for Blended Families

Blended families are becoming more and more popular. These families are those that are combined in marriage either because of a divorce or the loss of their previous spouse. These families face much different trials than other families. Here are 4 tips of how to do your best if you are in a blended family or if you may be soon. However, you never know what the future holds. You may get remarried or you may marry someone that already has children from a previous relationship.

#1- Accept the fact that it will take about 2 years to reach normalcy in your family.

You and the family have both undergone a big change in your family system. It will take time to get things going at a normal pace and to have a good routine with your new family.

#2- The biological parent does all the heavy discipline to their children.

This is really important. The step-parent should still take a role in discipline but not the heavy discipline. Disciplining comes after a lot of discussion with the biological parent of their ideas of disciplining their children. If the step-parent disciplines on the heavier issues, it may cause for disputes among the children and they may say things like; "What gives you the right to tell me what to do?" or "You're not my mom" or "You're not my dad" or "You don't know me". Hearing these things from your new children may be hurtful. It is so important you talk to your spouse about discipline and how you together want to raise your children.

#3- Step-parent's should take a role similar to a good Aunt or Uncle.

A good aunt or uncle does not let a child get away with whatever they want. They are supportive and interested in their niece/ nephew. They also want what is best for that child. A good aunt/uncle does not discipline a child harshly just as a step-parent should not (as discussed in tip #2).

#4- Parents need to have more closed door discussions.

I touched on this tip briefly in tip #2. Because of the blended family, the couple needs to talk a lot more behind closed doors than other couples do. Being in a blended family calls for more discussion concerning the children and combining of families and parenting styles. It is helpful to communicate and be on the same page as your spouse- and of course this goes for any relationship.

Blended families are unique! And they can be great! I personally have not been in a blended family but my professor married for the first time a woman who was divorced and had two sons. He said that he is so blessed and so lucky to have those boys as his own and to help be their father. Here is a music video that helps see the joys of blended families. Make sure you have the tissues ready!

Brad Paisley - He Didn't Have To Be

3 Types of Parenting Styles

Authoritarian

This type of parent can be described as controlling, demanding, regulating, and put their child down rather than builds them up. A good example of this is the mother in Tangled. No, not the queen but the old lady- her kidnapper. Take a look here! You can tell she has all of these qualities.






Permissive

This type of parent is not strict with rules, inconsistent, they love their children very much, and they are more concerned about being their child's friend rather than their parent. An example of this would be the father of Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Watch this example here! You can tell he let's his daughter walk all over him but he loves her so much he will give in to her every demand.

Authoritative 

The last parenting style I want to talk about is the Authoritative. This sounds very similar to Authoritarian. How I keep them straight is authoritatiVe has a V and so does loVe! Authoritative parents are active parents. They give their child choices. They encourage their child to develop traits such as courage, respect, and responsibility. An example of an authoritative parent would be like Raymond in this episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Click here to watch it. You can tell Authoritative parenting is not always easy. It sometimes is not what we are used to. Raymond and his wife, Debra, try to use active listening which is part of being an authoritative parent. Debra has a hard time applying this and was using more authoritarian approaches. Raymond learned a lot about authoritative parenting from the parenting class they attended.

Could you tell the difference in the three clips? What parent are you most like? What parent do you want to be like? 

Here is a link to a quiz you can take to see what your parenting style is!