Anxiously Engaged

Getting engaged is such an exciting time of life! You begin to plan the rest of your life with the person you love and you get to plan a wedding and tell all our friends and family the big news! There is so much to do and so much to plan and all of it is so exciting! The bride needs to find a dress, the groom a tux, pick out colors, pick when and where you'll be married, find a cake, get engagement pictures, (get tons of ideas from Pinterest for all of this of course!) plan a honeymoon, find a place to live, make a wedding registry, and a million more things to do. Not only is this a very exciting time for the joyous couple but it is also a crucial part of how they will be together as a couple after they are married.

This part of the relationship helps couples learn how to make important decisions and work together. There are important things to talk about when you are engaged, a lot of the important topics should be discussed before the couple gets engaged so they know what to expect. (Here is a Value Survey the two of you can take to discuss important topics.)  It is important for the couple to plan the wedding and not the parents or other family members. Engagement is the time for a couple to bond more together and learn how to work as one and cleave to each other (Genises 2:24). Too often it becomes a time where the mother daughter relationship is strengthened when it should be the future husband and wife's relationship should be strengthened. This can also be a very stressful time. It is important to see how your significant other reacts to your stress and how you react to theirs. If couples are able to make good plans and decisions together this will in turn help with their first year of marriage where they will be making many adjustments and accommodations together as they learn to live with each other and support one another.

Marriage is such an exciting part of life and is a great learning experience for those involved. It is important to work together. Frequently, the fiance lets his future bride go with whatever plans she has been making since she was young and it becomes her wedding and her reception when it should be their wedding and their reception. It is important for the couple to be one in the decision making process and both have an opinion about the events to come.

What is Love?

We have all seen the fairytales where the guy falls in love with the princess and they live happily ever after. Love at first sight normally. But we all know fairy tales are not reality! So what is love? What causes someone to "fall in love"? How do people "fall in love"? There are many things that factor into dating and love.

Think about how many times you've been in love. Generally this number is one or two times. What did that feel like? How did it happen? When we are searching for someone to date we put people through a filter. What is the first thing that influences who you date? Most of you would probably say appearance...right? You're so close, that's actually the second filter. The first is location, if they live close to you. However, online dating helps broaden our search for potentials.

For me, I love people watching. Here at BYU-Idaho it is so easy to observe flirting and dating. You can see how couple interact with each other and if they click or not. The dating game is so real! You see this when guys will go up and try to flirt with girls and the girls either are clueless, want nothing to do with them, or reciprocate the flirting. But what is the good behind this? It's the interactions we have with people that we can tell if we like them or want to pursue anything with the other person. You may think someone is really cute and this could be reciprocated but if you can't talk together then your relationship will go nowhere! For a successful relationship there needs to be shared values and interests. There should still be some differences, some individuality. It's when things align and when the person you're with makes you feel complete and helps you work to be better.

Now, I am no love expect on any terms!! But I have learned a lot through my own experiences and through others.  There are factoring things that go into falling in love but overall it is between the victims involved. They will come to know each other as they go on a wide range of dates so they can see the other in different situations. This way you can really get to know the different sides of you personal interest.  Low is a mystery. Quoting Ed Sheeran, "people fall in love in mysterious ways".

Getting Out of the Ruts

Yesterday, I was in a wheelchair for two and a half hours to help me see what those with orthopedic impairments go through on a daily basis. Sadly it was only for two and a half hours so I wasn't able to get a full experience but what I did experience taught me alot.

There were 8 tasks I had to do while being wheelchair bound:
1. Get a drink from the drinking fountain.
2. Go another building on campus and ask for directions/assistance (e.g., Kimball Building information desk).
3. Ride an elevator.
4. Go through a door using the door opener.
5. Go up and down a hill by yourself.
6. Go through a door without using the door opener.
7. Ask for assistance to navigate a tough spot.
8. Go to the restroom, enter a stall, and transfer your body from the wheelchair to the toilet. Reverse the process and return to the wheelchair.

You know how there is a tall and short drinking fountain next to each other. I used to think the short one was for children. Well it serves this purpose too but it is for those individuals in a wheelchair. It was a perfect height to drink. Except I still managed to spill all over myself cause I'm short and clumsy. I am so glad I didn't have to reach up to the tall fountain!

As I rode down the hill to ask a questions at the Kimball Building, a guy came running to help me get down the hill safely. As we talked he told me that he had been in a coma when he was 19 and afterwards had to be in a wheelchair as he recovered. He expressed his understanding to getting around in a wheelchair and how hard it can be. I was amazed at how nice people were as I rode around campus. Many people offered to help push me up the hill and open doors for me. It made me reflect on if I am this considerate to others around me.

Some things that were hard was going down the hill by myself. My wheelchair didn't have brakes which hurt my hands and the speed increased as I went down the hill. Another hard thing was when I went to the bathroom the door was really hard to open and get through on my own without a button. And the handicap stalls are always in the back of the bathroom. Do you know how hard that is to maneuver around people and the small space in the bathroom!? I ended up not using that bathroom because of this. The handicap stall was also tiny!! It was only a few inches bigger than the normal stalls. I ended up finding a handicap single bathroom. That had plenty of room to turn my chair around and attempt to transfer my body to and from the toilet. This was so hard! I ended up giving up and used my legs.

I am a pretty independent person. I realized as people would ask to help me I would feel absolutely helpless. I ended up just talking to them and trying to make conversation. I felt kind of awkward cause all I was doing was just sitting there and I hate not being able to help with things. I felt silly at times how people would serve me.

As I wheeled myself up to the Hinckley Building, one of my wheels go stuck in between the grass and sidewalk going uphill. I could not get it out. So I turned around and asked the people behind me to help me get out of the rut. They ran up and agreed and said, "Of course, we all get in a rut sometimes!" I loved this. No matter our situation we all get in ruts. And it's always nice for someone to help get us out! The biggest thing I learned from this simulation was that I need to be more considerate of those around me and help others who may be in a rut- physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

Hope, Triumph, and Everyday Joy

Today Stephanie Nielson came to BYU-Idaho and talked about her experience. In 2008 her and her husband were in a plane crash where her body was about 80% burned. Click here to see her story. Grab some tissues, you'll need them!

At the forum, she explained her story and gave some additional insights that can't be found in the video. As she talked I wondered to myself, What would it be like to have a near death experience? How would I react? What would I do? What would be my last wish? If I survived-like Stephanie did- would I wish I had died instead of have to endure the pain and stress and challenges that came with the accident? 

She talked about how everything in her life would never be the same. She wouldn't be able to do certain things and she wouldn't even look the same or feel the same. Life as she knew it was over and a sequel began. She talked about the pain of having her wounds scrubbed so they wouldn't get infected. Now I've had a few of my wounds scrubbed before but those were just scratches! Her wounds covered her whole body! 

It tugged at my heart strings so bad when she talked about looking at herself in the mirror for the first time. I could only imagine how hard it would be to look so different. It would be so hard on your self-esteem and your identity. Something I liked that she said was she wanted to be

"Not just a survivor but a thriver"

She told us that the only way she could have made it through this trial of hers is through Jesus Christ. He helped lift her burdens and gave her strength to go forward. This is what Christ does for all of us, each and every day. He is there for us to rely on and turn to and He will never leave or forsake us. I thought to myself, we all have scars of sometime. Whether it is scars of physical injury or emotional or spiritual. We all have them. The Savior is there to help each of those wounds heal. His Atonement can heal all ailments.

Gender is an Essential Characteristic

Preface

This can be a very touchy subject and I wanted to say that these are my beliefs. I would hope that anyone who reads this will be considerate to that and I will in turn respect and be considerate of your beliefs. We are all different and have different opinions and I fully support that! It is important to have differences in the world. The variety makes life interesting. So that being said, there were a few things I learned or thought about a little differently this week. Also the examples and stories I use are generalities. I'm not saying they are always like this- there are always exceptions.

There is a lot of talk about gender and characteristics. There is a big debate about if society is telling boys and girls how to behave. To some extent we do but for the most part we are born different. First of all, girls are more likely to have nurturing qualities than boys. Give girls Barbies and they play house, give boys Barbies and they turn them into guns. When I was younger my brothers had a ton of dinosaur toys and I would play with them, but I would play differently than them. They would fight and attack each other and I would take one I thought was cute and make it my pet and care for it. This was my favorite toy of theirs to play with and of course we had two so they wouldn't fight over one! To me this little guy needs to be taken care of because his leg was broken. But my brothers just threw him at other things and broke his egg he came in.




So often people disregard the essential characteristics of males and females and talk them down. Like how girls are more emotional- this can often be considered a bad thing but it's not. It can do a lot of good and is needed. People who tend to act different than the typical male or female get made fun of or ostracized. Females tend to be more caring, nurturing, gentle, creative and artistic, good speakers, care about fashion, and are more emotionally sensitive. If a guy tends to have these characteristics he is made fun of or called gay.

Now let's think about this...Ladies, would you like your man to be caring? Nurturing/good with children? Creative/artistic? Articulate? Well dressed and groomed? Or Emotionally sensitive? These are good qualities! If any man who had these qualities was taken off the market for us ladies it would be devastating! I don't know what you think but a guy who is kind and caring and sensitive is prized. Another thing about these qualities is they are all Christlike attributes! Christ is a perfect example of showing compassion and caring for those around him. He was gentle and creative and a good speaker. Just a thought.

Another statement that hit me in our class discussion is about same-gender relationships. Many people think that if they are in a same-gender relationship they aren't hurting anyone and it doesn't effect anyone else. However, this is false. For every male couple there are two women who will miss out on the opportunity to marry. And for every female couple there are two men who will miss out on the opportunity to marry. This is not fact of course. There is about a 1:1 ratio of men and women on the earth.

We are different. Everyone is different. Life would be so boring if we were the same. However, we are different for a good reason! We are to help balance one another. What one gender lacks the other tends to make up for it. This is how it was all designed before we were even born. Gender is all part of God's plan for us and is actually very important because families are central to Heavenly Father's plan. These topics have helped me see more how important families are.

Learning Disabilities

To simulate a learning disability I had to ask people questions and I could not use any words that had "l" or "n" in it. This was really hard for me to figure out a scenario I could do without using "l" or "n". Most questions words have these letters in them, heLp, wiLL, waNt, caN, etc. I was thinking about this activity for days trying to figure out what I could do. Finally I decided to ask someone a questions about where something was and then restate the directions back to them and then ask a questions at a store.

On campus today I stopped a girl walking and said, "Excuse me, where is Birch?" She proceeded to tell me she didn't know because it was her first semester and asked where it was near. I paused and thought about a campus building it was near and then had to double check if it had "n" or "l" in it. I couldn't say the I-Center but I could say the Hart! I told her and then when she could direct me that way I tried to restate the directions back but I messed up and said "left". It was so hard not to use words that had "l" or "n" in them.

For my second option, I went to Walgreen's and asked a lady where the oreos were. She told me the aisle and then I asked how much they cost. She said she didn't know but she could take me there. I felt so bad because I wanted to thank her but I couldn't say thank you so on our walk over I was thinking what I could say and after she showed me I just said, perfect! I felt kind of rude not being able to say thank you or be able to talk to her more.

This was an interesting experience to see how hard it was to come up with things to say that did not include the letters "l" or "n". The simulation helped me notice the long pauses that are needed to think or the drawn out sentences that can occur if someone has a learning disability.

Confessions From Behind the Mask

For four hours I had to wear four different masks-one each hour- each simulating a different visual impairment. 

Glaucoma Simulation (12:30pm-1:30pm)

This is the first mask. It was pretty hard to focus my vision. I tended to focus more out of the left eye because the hole in the mask was slightly larger. My neck was strained a lot too because of the limited vision. I had no peripheral vision which made it awkward to look at people. I tended to keep my head down and it was very hard to be aware of my environment. I did not interact with anyone because it was too hard to focus on them. Even when I ate my lunch I didn't even realize I spilled food on the front of my shirt till later. As I did homework during this time and it was very hard to focus on the computer screen and it made typing really difficult. When I do my homework, I normally have both earplugs in listening to music but I took one out to heighten my sense of my surrounding so people wouldn't scare me every time they walked into my vision and I didn't hear them coming. It would be so hard to be deaf and have limited vision! I had to over-exaggerate turning my head to see what is on the side of me. I wanted to be invisible. I had to hold my phone or other objects farther out in front of me so I could focus on them better. It was interesting what effects this had with my normal routine. 

Loss of an Eye Simulation [Causes loss of depth of field-limits dominant eye] (1:30-2:30)

This simulation was very interesting because my mom cannot see out of her left eye. It was interesting to put myself in her shoes to see what she experiences every day. I continued doing homework and this mask made it much easier to focus and read. I ended up switched my one headphone to my left ear to hear what was coming from my right since I couldn't see that way-as you can see in the picture. I enjoyed being able to have peripheral vision again, even if it was just in one eye. This mask wasn't that bad. It didn't effect my learning or ability too much. I recognized that my left eye became a little more strained. But that's about the only disadvantage I noticed. 

Problem with the Lens Simulation [ie. astigmatism] (2:30-3:30)

This mask was my least favorite. Luckily I was in my Exceptional Students class. So I was able to have their help to know what was going on. But I could not see a thing. Everything was blurry and I could not see anything or read anything, It was a joke to even try to read the power point or read the handout. When class was done I still had 30 minutes left, so I just went and sat in the hallway and talked to another classmate who was wearing the same mask. We could hardly see each other or those that were passing us in the hall. I felt as if I was blind. There were two spots in the mask that I could see a bit clearly but I had to move my head into an awkward position to see. By the end of this simulation my eyes were tired and I had a bit of a headache. 

Macular Degeneration Simulation (3:30-4:30)

This one wasn't that bad. I was supposed to focus on the green pieces of paper and only use my peripheral vision. It was hard to not focus above or below the paper. I was able to type and text and do other homework. The time seemed to go by faster and I wasn't as shy when I talked to people.

Wearing these masks reminds me of the Phantom from the Phantom of the Opera- my favorite musical! He was invisible and hid himself and that's what I did. I hid in the education building on campus and did homework and had class till my four hours were up. I thought about the individuals in the Bible who were blind. How amazing it would be to see again and have vision restored! We rely so much on what we can see. I am so thankful for my ability to see and that we have technology and resources to correct our vision. I wear contacts and when I take my contacts out I can see but things that are about 5 feet away are blurry. 

Culture and Tradition

When you hear the word culture what do you think of? Do you think of authentic food, countries, your family? Do you think of traditional dances or outfits in a specific culture like Native American or Hispanic? For me I think of traditional clothing and history of certain nations or people. However, these are examples of culture on a large scale. What about the smaller scale? What cultures do we have in the US, in our state, our city, our home, or even between other individuals?

There is culture everywhere we look. Culture can be defined as a group of people with similar patterns of living or traditions. Take a few minutes and think about your own life, think about your family. What cultures do you have? Now out of those cultures which ones do you want to keep and which ones do you want to do away with? I have heard that it takes about 3 generations for a bad habit or tradition within a family to dissipate.

This is a perfect time to be thinking about traditions with the holidays coming up. Everyone has a different thing they do for each holiday and little traditions that somehow became a tradition because one year someone did something and it became memorable. My thanksgivings growing up included us sitting around the table with food overflowing and so many options available. Before we began the feast-which lasts about 2-3 hours- we would go around in a circle and say one thing we were grateful for that year, then we hold hands and say a prayer of thanks and a blessing over the food. Then we eat and enjoy each others company. I have never sat at the "kids table" because there never was one. My favorite foods at Thanksgiving is the candied yams and the olives. Thanksgiving is not the same without these things. This past year I had Thanksgiving in California. This was a completely different experience for me. One, we ate outside. Two, we had salad. I have never had salad at Thanksgiving before. Three, we had three separate tables for people to sit at that weren't pushed together. Now all of this was very strange to me and I missed so much the foods that are tradition in my family.

Traditions can cause a problem in some families lives. When two people are married they have to make the decisions what traditions and culture they plan to keep together and there is some compromising that will have to be made. Changes in tradition and culture can really impact and drastically change the family structure. Immigration as an example can change the family structure so much not just with their culture but the traditions they bring with them or choose to leave behind.

With the holidays coming up, look at what traditions you have and ask yourself how they came about, why are they kept, and would you continue them in your own family setting or change them?

Stuttering

This weekend I had to simulate as if I had a stutter in a public situation. Now I love doing social experiments. I find it so interesting how people react to different situations or uncommon ones. It kind of shocked me what happened, how people reacted and how I reacted to this assignment.

This weekend I was going to Salt Lake City to visit family and I planned to do this assignment in SLC not in Rexburg. This was interesting because I am not normally afraid what people think of me but for some reason I felt really embarrassed if I were to do this on campus or around campus afraid someone who hear me and judge me because they thought I actually had a stutter. So I decided to do this in SLC.

I went to Best Buy to look at laptop cases. When I got there I thought I would just have to talk to one sales associate and the clerk and I would fulfill the assignments requirements. However, I asked one associate and he had to get another and that one had to get someone else. So in the end I talked to 4 store associates and one clerk. The whole time I acted as if I had a stutter. The first couple of associates looked at me and seemed a bit impatient and didn't really care to help me they just did their job and passed me off to someone else. There was one associate who helped me a lot and was kind the whole time. Not taking notice of my stutter. I asked him to help me find the case I found online and to price check three other cases I was interested in. The clerk was also very nice and patient with me. I asked him about the return policy and asked him a few questions about the coupon I used.

Throughout the whole time in the store I varied what type of stuttering I would do by repeating certain words and pausing and repeating sounds of words. Here is an example:
Associate: "Did you see the other name brand cases in the front?"
Me: "Yeah they were up-up-up-up-up there and it wasssn't there."

It was interesting to see how having a stutter affected me and my confidence. I found myself wanting to respond with one word so I wouldn't have to stutter as much and I found that as I walked around the store I avoided asking the attractive employees questions because I was embarrassed. Also I realized as I walked around I kept my head down and I could feel my confidence was lacking. As I kept talking to other store associates I forgot about the embarrassing feelings and was able to feel more confident near the end of the store visit.

It was interesting to me to study beforehand what people with stutters sound like. I haven't been around many people who have a stutter or recognized they had a stutter. As I watched videos of people who stuttered I realized that there are so many different severity's of a stutter. Some have had lots of help with speech therapy and speak normally except a few stutters in a paragraph. I also realized that I stutter a lot and have never been diagnosed with a speech impediment. This is just because I get nervous or my brain in working faster than my mouth. It gave me a greater appreciation for those who live with a stutter 24/7 and the fears they have to overcome daily.

The Exchange

In my Family Relations class this week, we talked about different social theories. One was the exchange theory. Have you ever been in a relationship or had a friend where it just took so much effort on your part to make things work? Have you ever felt like you put in more time for that person or gave up more than they did? Did this stress you out? Did you want to continue the effort?

We've all had situations where we have given more than we receive. Now this is okay. It is nice to do good things for others and not expect things in return. However, in some relationships it can be frustrating when things aren't reciprocated. Some things are just expected. Like when someone says hello to someone on the street it is polite to say hello back.

Some examples...
I do the dishes in my apartment and then the next day I do them again. My roommates notice that I have now done them two days in a row. So a positive exchange would be for one of them to do the dishes the next day. If I have to do them a third day it can be a little frustrating. Don't get me wrong, I love doing the dishes but it's always nice for others to make an effort to help. Or what about this. You're texting a good friend and want to catch up with them but they make no effort to continue the conversation. After a while of one worded answers to try to strike up a conversation you give up. Or what about the mother who does all the house work, helps with a science project, and cooks dinner for her family. She put a lot of effort into helping the family and the home. She could get stressed and give up or keep going depending on if she gets a thank you or help cleaning the dishes after dinner because she worked hard doing everything else.

Equal exchanges help us want to invest more time and effort into a relationship. When we put a lot of time and effort into a relationship, costing us a lot, but we get little to no benefits from it, it can be taxing. You'll notice that there is exchanges in a lot of things you do. What are some examples from your life?